The Old Me Would’ve… (But Not Anymore): Letting go of Over-Explaining

The old me was a full-time convincer.

I’d twist myself into paragraphs trying to be understood.

I wanted people to respect me, to like me, to see that I was good, good enough to keep, good enough to listen to, good enough not to discard when it was convenient.

And if I sensed someone pulling away or misinterpreting me?

I’d double down.

Write longer messages.

Talk in circles, trying to clarify.

Serve up disclaimers like hors d'oeuvres, anything to keep the peace and avoid the sting of being misunderstood.

But these days?

If someone’s gearing up for a monologue about how I’ve disappointed them, or how I’m too much, or how they just can’t connect with me anymore, I’d honestly ask if we could at least make a cup of coffee first.

Because if we’re going there, I might as well be comfortable.

And fully caffeinated.

I don’t take the bait anymore.

I don’t defend myself to people who’ve already written their conclusion.

I don’t chase conversations that leave me smaller than I walked in.

I don’t break myself open to hand someone clarity they’re committed to rejecting.

Letting go of overexplaining has been one of the clearest signs that I finally trust myself.

I still care deeply, but now I care inward.

I care about my nervous system.

My time.

My sanity.

My peace.

I used to think being misunderstood meant I had failed.

Now I see it for what it is: a sign that I’ve simply outgrown the version of me they preferred.

Step 12 is the shift from convincing to conserving.... my energy, my dignity, and my voice.

If you get me, wonderful.

If you don’t, I genuinely hope your coffee is strong, and your exit is quiet.

Reflection

What patterns of over-explaining or over-pleasing have you released—and what does it feel like to live without the urgency to be understood?

Affirmation

I no longer perform clarity for people committed to misunderstanding me. My peace comes first.

A Slice of Humble Pie

Let them think what they want. You’ve got better things to do, like living.