When My Nervous System Grabs the Wheel Before I Do: Responding vs Reacting

For most of my life, I thought reacting and responding were the same thing, just two words for “something happened, and now I’m having a feeling about it.”

They’re not even close.

Reacting is what happens when your nervous system gets there first.

Responding is what happens when you get there.

A reaction is fast, protective, impulsive, and usually aimed at preventing pain. It’s your body trying to keep you alive, even when the danger is just an email, a tone of voice, or a memory that still thinks it has a pulse.

A response is slower.

Not sluggish, just intentional.

It’s the version of you who isn’t trying to win or hide or prove anything. It comes from clarity instead of cortisol.

The trouble is, trauma blurs the line.

You don’t always know if you’re responding like a grounded adult

or reacting like a nervous system that still thinks it’s on fire.

Here’s where the difference shows up:

Reactions are driven by discomfort.

Responses are driven by awareness.

Reactions want relief.

Responses want truth.

Reactions feel like urgency, pressure, tightness, or the emotional version of flinching.

Responses feel like choice, even if the choice is hard.

Most of the trouble we get into isn’t because we’re dramatic.

It’s because our body remembers too much, and our mind is still trying to catch up.

Reclaiming calm, grounded communication isn’t about being “better.”

It’s about reclaiming authorship.

You don’t have to perform strength.

You don’t have to pretend nothing gets to you.

You just learn to pause long enough to ask the real question:

“Is this survival…

or is this me?”

Reclaiming emotional response awareness and understanding, responding vs reacting, helped me understand when my body was reacting for safety and when my truth was ready to speak.

A Slice of Humble Pie

Not every urgent feeling is a truth; some are just echoes.

Reflection

What sensations show up in your body when you’re reacting instead of responding?

What would happen if you paused for ten seconds before answering?

Where in your life do reactions keep you safe, and where do they keep you small?

Affirmation

I honor my reactions and choose my responses. I listen to my body, but I let my truth speak for me.