I Don't Want to be Happy: Redefining Peace

People always blink when I say it out loud:

I don’t want to be happy.

Not because I’m miserable.

Not because I’ve given up.

But because “happy” has never actually belonged to me.

Happy has always felt like a performance,

all polished smiles and Facebook bragging,

gratitude journals that turn suffering into a spiritual competition,

and that relentless cultural pressure to “choose positivity.”

even when your nervous system is curled up on the floor.

“Happy” feels like a product you’re supposed to buy.

Or worse, a personality you’re supposed to impersonate.

Too chirpy.

Too curated.

Too clean to be real.

I’m not reaching for that anymore.

What I want is peace.

Quiet in my body.

A rhythm that doesn’t require performance.

A life where belonging doesn’t depend on how convincing my smile is.

That, to me, is joy.

And yes, I feel joy.

Sometimes it sweeps through me like sunlight.

Sometimes it shows up unexpectedly

as a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding.

But joy moves.

It changes.

It passes.

And I don’t shame myself for that anymore.

Redefining peace became the first moment I stopped chasing emotions that were never mine to begin with.

I’ve stopped reaching for “happy” like it’s a finish line,

like it’s evidence that I healed correctly

or finally proved my worth.

Peace is enough.

And for the first time,

I trust myself to know what enough feels like.

A Slice of Humble Pie

Sometimes surrender means rejecting the life you were sold in favor of the life that actually fits.

Reflection

What emotions have you been told you should strive for?

What would shift if you let your real desires — not someone else’s metric — guide you?

Affirmation

I release the pressure to be happy.

I trust my own definition of peace.