Why You Feel “Too Much” or “Not Enough”: A Nervous System Explanation

There’s a strange kind of double life many survivors carry.

On the outside, you learn how to look regulated enough to function. But inside, everything can feel either unbearably loud or eerily muted.

You might cry over something small but feel nothing at all during something big. You might overreact to a tone of voice but underreact when you’re being mistreated.

You might get overwhelmed by things other people shrug off, yet go completely numb during moments when you’re “supposed” to feel something.

This isn’t an inconsistency. It’s history.

Emotions don’t disappear just because you didn’t have a safe place to express them. They get stored, rerouted, quieted, or amplified depending on what your body needs to survive. Your nervous system learned long ago how much feeling was allowed. It learned when intensity was dangerous, when softness was risky, when shutting down was safer than exploding, and when exploding was safer than disappearing.

So today, when you feel “too much,” it’s not because you’re dramatic or fragile. It’s because a younger part of your system never got the chance to feel something at the moment it actually happened. Even minor triggers can hit those old, unprocessed layers with full force.

And when you feel “not enough,” it’s not apathy. It’s protection. Your body has learned to dim the lights to keep you from being overwhelmed by what it never had the capacity to feel as a child.

Intensity is never random. Neither is numbness.

Both are forms of intelligence, your nervous system calibrating itself based on everything it has to hold.

There’s nothing wrong with you. There never was.

Once you understand how your body came to its settings, you stop trying to fix yourself and start listening instead. And in that listening, something softens. Your system slowly learns that it doesn’t have to shout or vanish to be heard.

---

Thank you for reading. If this stirred something in you and you’d like to spend more time with this work, you can explore The Humble Pie 12 Steps and learn more about how I support people as a trauma recovery coach.