Turns Out, I Wasn’t Their Friend. I Was Just There: Reclaiming Relational Clarity

There’s a particular kind of grief that hits after the goodbye.

Not because the connection ended,

but because you realize it never existed the way you thought it did.

That’s what happened when I left certain jobs, circles, and routines.

I thought we were friends.

We laughed.

We shared stories.

We cried in break rooms.

We bonded over chaos and exhaustion.

We called it community.

But when I left?

The silence was immediate.

And absolute.

No calls.

No visits.

No check-ins.

No effort.

That’s when the truth surfaced:

I wasn’t someone they chose.

I was just someone they were around.

Not cherished, just convenient.

Not included, just nearby.

And that realization split something open in me.

Because while I thought we were building something real,

they were simply passing time in the same space.

It wasn’t betrayal.

It wasn’t cruelty.

It was just… clarity.

They didn’t love me the way I hoped.

They didn’t feel the bond I felt.

They didn’t attach meaning where I did.

And that’s not a failure,

it’s an awakening.

Because now I see who stays.

Who reaches.

Who notices when I’m gone.

Who sees me even when I’m no longer useful or convenient.

That kind of connection?

That’s real.

I no longer confuse proximity for intimacy.

I no longer call shared stress a friendship.

And I no longer beg to be remembered by people who were never really curious about me in the first place.

Reclaiming relational clarity helped me see that not every shared moment is a mutual bond, and not every familiar face is a friend.

A Slice of Humble Pie

You weren’t too much. You just hoped the connection meant more than it did—and now you get to see that clearly.

Reflection

What “friendships” quietly faded once you stopped showing up out of obligation?

Where did proximity masquerade as emotional closeness?

What would it look like to define connection by reciprocity instead of routine?

Affirmation

I release the hope that people will feel for me what I once felt for them. I deserve friendships built on choice, not convenience.