Step 5 Day 1: Grieving the Living

Sometimes the hardest grief is the one no one else can see.

Some losses are quiet not because they’re small, but because there are no funerals, casseroles, or condolences. Just an empty space where a connection used to pretend to live.

Grieving the living is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Because you’re not just grieving the person, you’re grieving the connection you thought you had. You’re grieving what could have been. You’re grieving the version of them you created from hope, love, and a little bit of necessary denial.

You’re grieving the days you spent thinking you were understood. The nights you believed you were safe. The years you were convinced you were closer than you actually were.

And the most disorienting part? Sometimes they don’t even know they’re gone. They’re still texting you memes. Inviting you to dinner. Acting like nothing ever happened because to them, maybe it didn’t.

But you know better now. You know the connection was real to you. And you know the grief is real, too. You deserve to mourn the dream, even if no one else brings flowers.

A Slice of Humble Pie: You are allowed to grieve people who are still alive. You can grieve the parts of yourself you lost trying to hold on.

Reflection: Who are you still quietly grieving,

 not because they died, but because the relationship did? What would it look like to honor that grief without rushing to fix it?

Affirmation: I can grieve the connection I imagined, even if the person still exists.

If this resonates with you, I invite you to pause and name the invisible losses you’ve carried. Write them down, speak them aloud, or share them with someone who can hold them gently. Your grief deserves acknowledgment, even if there are no casseroles or funerals to mark it.