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The Humble Pie
Trauma Recovery Coaching That Meets You Where You Are
I’m Jane Davidson, a certified trauma recovery coach and trauma-informed educator based in Santa Fe, New Mexico. I work with adults who were taught to be strong instead of supported,
reasonable instead of real, and grateful instead of honest.
If you have carried too much for too long, The Humble Pie is our place to begin again with honesty, softness, and a nervous system that no longer has to apologize. I offer online trauma recovery coaching and a free 30-minute consult so you can see if working together feels right.
On My Mind


Pattern Recognition Is Liberation | Why Seeing the Pattern Is the First Shift in Trauma Recovery
The moment you notice a trauma pattern, something changes. This article explores why recognizing your survival strategies is the first true shift toward healing and nervous system freedom.
2 min read


Trauma Lives in the Body, Not the Story: Why You Can’t “Think” Your Way Out of Trauma
You can understand your past and still feel triggered or overwhelmed. This article explains why trauma lives in the body, not the narrative, and why healing begins when the nervous system learns it’s safe.
2 min read


Survival Strategies Become Habits
Your nervous system doesn’t always know when the danger is over. This article explores why old survival strategies become habitual reactions, why they feel so strong, and how understanding these patterns can soften shame and support healing.
2 min read


The Blueprint: Why Your Relationships Make Sense: Nervous System Blueprint Explained
Understanding your relationship patterns isn’t about blame — it’s about recognizing the nervous system blueprint formed long before you had words for what you lived. This article explains why you overgive, retreat, shut down, or stay too long, and how seeing the map lets you choose differently with clarity and compassion.
2 min read


Why Your Reactions Make Sense
Your reactions aren’t “too much.” They’re adaptive nervous-system responses shaped by past environments. Learn why your body speaks first, your brain catches up later, and how to understand your signals with compassion instead of shame.
2 min read


Trauma as Adaptation: Your Patterns Make Sense
You Were Never Disordered. You Were Surviving People talk about trauma like it’s the moment that broke you. The night everything changed. The relationship that collapsed. The childhood that carved itself into your bones. But trauma is almost never just the event. Trauma is everything your body had to do afterward to keep you alive. The shutdowns, the vigilance, the people-pleasing, the sensitivity, the silence, the overexplaining, the freezing, the disappearing act you perfec
2 min read


Remembering the Original Self: You Were Never the Problem
A trauma-informed reflection on why healing isn’t about becoming someone new, but returning to the self you were before fear, conditioning, and survival rewrote your reflection. Learn why the original you was never the problem — and why reclaiming them is the heart of recovery.
3 min read


When the Helpers Never Came: What Mr. Rogers Didn’t Say About Children Without Helpers
Many of us were told to “look for the helpers,” but what happens when no one ever came? This piece explores how growing up without emotional support shapes identity, self-blame, boundaries, and healing — and how adults can finally choose the helpers they never had.
3 min read


Paul and the Art of Becoming Human Again: A Trauma-Informed Reflection on Identity, Awakening, and Recovery
A secular, trauma-informed essay exploring Paul as a human archetype of moral injury, awakening, and the long process of rebuilding a self rooted in honesty rather than performance. Written for survivors, seekers, and anyone curious about transformation beyond religion.
4 min read


The Year I Woke Up: How THC Sparked a Trauma-Informed Awakening at 55
A layered, trauma-informed reflection on how THC helped me break lifelong patterns of self-abandonment, see dysfunction clearly, reconnect with my nervous system, and reclaim my life after decades of freeze.
4 min read


Am I the Problem? Understanding Self-Blame, Trauma, and Emotional Responsibility
There’s a particular question that doesn’t arrive as a whisper or a scream. It just… settles in. Familiar. Persistent. Am I the problem? It slips in when something ends. When someone pulls away. When you finally speak. When you set a boundary, you should’ve set ten years ago. When you stop performing a version of yourself that kept everyone else comfortable. Some people ask this once in a decade. Others, people like us, ask it as a kind of reflex, the way the body reaches for
3 min read


The Balloons in the Movie, Up: The Grief Everyone Misses
A trauma-informed reflection on Pixar’s movie, Up, and how grief can look like rigidity, tunnel vision, and loyalty to the past. Why letting go isn’t betrayal, it’s returning to life.
3 min read


When Grief Waits for the Quiet: Why Some Losses Don’t Arrive on Time
Most people assume grief shows up right when something ends. The moment the loss happens, we expect tears, collapse, clarity, something. But that isn’t how it worked for me, and it isn’t how it works for a lot of people. More often, grief shows up when the room finally empties. It arrives in the spaces where we’re no longer performing the version of ourselves that kept everyone else comfortable. It waits until we step out of the roles, relationships, and environments that did
3 min read


Letting Grief Be Sacred: When Sadness Means Something Mattered
Explore what it means to let grief be sacred, why loss doesn’t mean you chose wrong, and how honoring sadness can become part of your recovery.
4 min read


Generosity Begins in the Nervous System, Not in Your Character
Discover why true generosity is not a moral trait but a nervous system milestone. A trauma-informed essay on emotional scarcity, freeze response, healing, and how generosity begins in the nervous system
5 min read


Stop Over-explaining: If I’m Convincing, I’m Not Connecting
If you’re convincing, you’re not connecting. A trauma-informed look at overexplaining, curiosity, and why your truth doesn’t require translation for the right people.
3 min read


Your Body Already Knows the Answer, You Just Haven’t Met the Language Yet: The 4F Trauma Responses
Something happens. Maybe it’s a tone of voice. A look. A question that feels like an accusation. And before you can think, you’ve already reacted. You snap back. You leave the room. You go blank. You say “I’m sorry” before anyone even asks. And afterward, alone with yourself, you think: 'Why did I do that?' If you’ve ever asked yourself that question, especially in a moment you wish you could rewind or at least understand, this is for you. Because the answer isn’t in yo
4 min read


He Thought I Summoned the Bees
A true story of karmic comedy and quiet resistance: when her ex-husband angered a hive, the bees attacked, and he thought she summoned them. A tale of intuition, consequence, and letting the universe handle it.
2 min read


A Mirror for Disowned Softness: He Couldn’t Bear to Look at Me
There are some men who can’t stand softness, especially in women. Not because they don’t crave it, but because they’ve spent their entire lives being punished for carrying it themselves. They flinch when they see it. They sneer when they feel it. And if they love you? They destroy you because they hate the part of themselves that sees you as beautiful. I didn’t know that at the time. I just thought I was too much. Too expressive. Too loving. Too open. Too warm. Too silly. Too
2 min read


I Don’t Think Scrooge Was the Problem: A Trauma Reframe of A Christmas Carol
Was Scrooge really cruel—or just a survivor of unprocessed grief and abandonment? This Christmas, we explore Dickens’ classic through a trauma-informed lens.
2 min read
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